I've been told for years that I have a story to tell and that I should tell it, so that others will benefit from it. In truth, I have spent most of my life hiding my story from the world, so as not to be judged for it. I wanted to re-create myself and be something other than what I was, because I had lived with the truth of who I was and where I came from and it was a harsh existence.
Something happened a couple of years back (I'll get into that later) and it began to slowly unwind this thinking of mine and slowly, I have become more and more comfortable with sharing my story. I am not yet ready to have it be tied to me in a public sense, so you will have to forgive my preference to remain anonymous for now, but perhaps one day I will drop the mask and allow the world to see me for who I really am.
I fear that if I came out as the real me, that I might not be honest and I might not dig down deep enough in fear of crucifixion and judgment and yes even a little concern for my career; and in order for this to really work, honesty is crucial. I hope through this, I can find some healing for the younger me and acceptance and self love for the person I am today and if I may be so bold, as to beg the universe for this...that perhaps it is inspiring for some of you too.
I want this blog to be about more than just my story though. I want it to be about the whole of me...the person I was, the person I am and the person I hope to become. My legacy of sorts...so I am just going to lay it all out there..my thoughts, my feelings, my pain, my joy, my story and whatever else feels right in the moment; and if I am on the right path, I hope it will touch and inspire those who are kind and patient enough to listen to the beautiful chaos that is me.
The truth is that no one knows what they are really doing in this life. No matter how together or perfect they look or their life seems. No one was handed an instruction manual and most of our parents managed to fuck us up somewhere along the way; some more than others and in working through that, here we all are. Just doing the very best we can, with what we have. Something that I remind myself of often, is that no matter how difficult or hard life gets at times, we are never alone and surely someone has walked our path before us and this blog is intended to pay homage to that.
With much love and a heart full of hope,